‘We are a little lacking in two of the essential elements for a successful regatta’, Race Officer John Rohde warned us ahead of the RS300 Inlands at Draycote Water, ‘Wind and water’. What he failed to mention, and I found out later, was a third element – Stella. No Stella? The things we have to put up with in the name of sporting endeavour.

Despite the lack of wind Mr Rohde sent the fleet out at the programmed time. As the lack of water also meant getting your feet muddy on launching he was well on his way to making himself about as popular as Pontius Pilate.

If he knows nothing else, Mr Rohde at least knows the local conditions, which is probably just as well all things considered, and a light breeze arrived as if on cue. However, it was a dirty breeze with holes all over the place and wild shifts. It was clearly going to be a difficult day – difficult like going shopping with a girl and not ending up wanting to strangle her.

A late windshift meant the starting line and first beat of race 1 were a bit port-biased. Harry Mcvicar (Aldenham) and Steve Bolland (Bristol Corinthian), made best use of the bias and the no more than a handful of knots of breeze by making the windward mark in one tack. Nice tactic if you can pull it off. Ian Baillie (Dalgety Bay), making the long trip south in search of some summer sun, was 3^rd round. Steve took the lead on the first downwind leg and built up a big lead by lap 2. However, a stray RS600 meant he was unable to cover as closely as he would have liked up the final beat and his 100 yard lead all but vanished. As a result Bolland resorted to the underhand tactic of taking a short cut across the shallows on the final run. More fool he. Running into weed and having to lift his daggerboard to clear it and then realising it wouldn’t go back in, his face was a picture of panic as he approached the gybe mark with all the stability of a one-legged man on a unicycle. How the fleet would have been sympathetic if he had failed to sort it out. After all the excitement, Bolland eventually won from McVicar and Matt Jenkins (Sheffield Viking). In 4^th place, having moved through the fleet like a supercomputer on amphetamines, having been 17^th at the first mark was Luke Pepper (Hykeham) in one of his non-pink boats.

Race 2 was run in similar rubbishy conditions. This time it was Dave Acres (Emsworth) who led at the first mark and built up a commanding lead only to throw it all away by failing to cover carefully up the final beat, the win eventually going to Chris Bishop from Bristol Corinthian. At last Bishop was showing some form having been widely hailed (by himself) as the top 300 sailor in the country over the last year. There generally seemed to be more snakes than ladders so Mikes Bees, Brightlingsea, (3^rd) and Jenkins (4^th) were doing better than most in the consistency stakes.

What of Bolland I hear you cry, winner of race 1, all round good egg and someone who it’s rumoured spends almost as much on sailing attire as he does on boat maintenance? Well, after not having had one of his better beats (only 3 boats behind him at the first mark) he had to show the kind of creativity he normally displays in bed to fight his way through the fleet, eventually finishing 6^th.

By the start of race 3 the fleet was clearly excited by the prospect of another race in such perfect conditions, excited in the manner of a condemned man on his way to the scaffold. The result was a general recall and a black flag. On the restart most of the fleet got away cleanly and it was only John Peters, starting with all the precision of a sundial, who was singled out. Such are the dangers of starting near the committee boat.

On with the racing, Mike Bees finished off a good day with a race win, having led from start to finish. Bolland regained his composure with a 2^nd spot followed in by Mark Henman (Sunderland) and Jenkins.

At the end of day all the races had been taken by the Bs – Bolland from Bristol, Bishop from Bristol and Bees from Brighlingsea. Bolland and Bees were tied on points with Jenkins, Bishop, McVicar and Acres all in contention. And then it was back to the bar and the calamitous news that there was no Stella on tap. Would this shake Bolland’s composure ahead of Sunday’s racing? Fear not, gentle reader, as Mr Foster came to the rescue which Bolland took to in the way a jet engine consumes aviation fuel.

Sunday morning had even less wind than the day before and after a breakfast of Paracetemol the fleet set out with all the enthusiasm of a man towing a truck. Contrary to expectations though the breeze filled in nicely which even resulted in some sitting out at times.

Proving what an athlete he is, Bolland took the first race of the day from Bishop who was snapping at his heels all the way round like one of those snappy dog things. 3^rd was McVicar ahead of Bees who just wouldn’t go away. Bees then went on to win race 5 too from Bolland, Bishop and Baillie, that well-known 70s supergroup.

Going into the final race of the series only Bolland and Bees could win overall with Bolland only needing to finish within 3 places of Bees to take the title. Was Bolland going to go all steely-eyed and take Bees out in the manner of Ainslie, Davis and Craig, or was he just going to follow Bees around pre-start in an aimless manner? Amazingly Bolland believed that the latter was the better course of action and kind of, sort of, nearly followed Bees round at a gentlemanly distance for a bit until Bees decided he could take no more of the punishment and took himself over the line early. However, perhaps all was not as it seemed? Was this, after all, some kind of trick to play with Bolland’s mind or merely a misjudgement? Knowing Mike as I do it was almost certainly the latter. Whichever it was it allowed Bees to get onto port tack early and head right while Bolland was pinned down on starboard heading left.

After a lot of pleading, offers of free drinks and eventually threats with the boat to windward, Bolland was finally allowed to tack and follow Bees across to the right. At the windward mark Bishop led from McVicar and a gaggle of other boats including Graham Cooper (Castle Cove) and James Ruddiman (Draycote Water). Bees and Bolland were overlapped in 8^th and 9^th places respectively.

Bolland sat on Bees up the next beat and Bees indicated to Bolland to Foxtrot Oscar, nicely though. Bolland affected not to notice. Honestly, I’ve seen statues show more emotion. At which point Bolland got lucky, picked up a nice shift that no-one else seemed to get and moved smoothly into 3^rd. place. The writing was now on the wall for Bees and as the rotund woman began to unpack her karaoke machine the finishing order of the final race was Bishop, McVicar, Bolland and Baillie.

Ashore it became clear that his win in the final race had elevated Bishop into 2^nd place overall, behind Bolland and ahead of Bees. We are never going to hear the end of it. However, the good news is that Stella will reappear for the forthcoming Draycote Dash allcomers handicap event. Just as well, I wouldn’t be coming otherwise.

At the prizegiving the trophy for the winner of the Gul Grand Prix series was also awarded. This went to Mike Bees. In 2^nd place was Richard Le Mare, then Barry Steel, Pete Ellis and Alastair Wood. Well done all.

As ever, many thanks to Draycote Water SC and all those putting in a great deal of effort behind the scenes to make the event run so smoothly. Photos are available at www.fotoboat.com